i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible

It could just trigger another outburst and the consequences to you could be really severe. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together., Austa has been wonderful thus far. In the meantime I'm trying not to get too down but I feel horrible and have no one to blame for my actions but myself. No situation of domestic violence is an excusable offense. no advice for you. The last thing your ex boyfriend wants is to be with a needy or obsessed girlfriend. I would hope you'll see the light, block his number, move, do whatever you need to do to get out of his sites and move on. Using that logic, it doesn't seem right to use much force on a weaker, person. I am about to share with you the secret way to get your ex crawling back to you instantly; no matter how bad the situation is. Is there anywhere else you can stay for the time being? Now, he is getting REALLY angry. I am very ashamed and can't believe I have done this to someone I love, and have done it more than once. The fact of the matter is that people make mistakes. The abuse persists, and both parties try to find reasons why it happened and why it is okay to ignore it and move forward. And I'm shocked. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry for the way you and your friend were treated by your exes. Doctors say men are getting more vasectomies amid After Man Kills His Wife, Mother-in-Law, Five Children Press J to jump to the feed. Because if you don't it WILL happen again. Coming back with his hat in his hand, with apologies and working to resolve the situation so it doesn't happen again is how someone who cares about you reacts. Don't ask for time apart. There are huge signs that this is the case and you've suggested the same. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. It is important to recognize these rising emotions, these violent urges, and know that triggers cause violent behavior. You've raised a lot of very good questions for me to consider. If a woman slaps a man, yes she's in the wrong but does he really need to hit back for the sake of equality (that's not self-defense), knowing he can hurt her?? But i was extremely angry. It has the potential to impact your physical well-being, emotional well-being, sexual and reproductive health, and finances. He gets right in my face calling me a bitch and telling me "I hate you!" I'm 24, he's 28. Horrable neither person should touch the other in anger. I'm not an angry person. Any of these forms of violence may be seen in domestic violence cases. This is a phrase that gets uttered far more than one would think. For those seeking to remedy their past behavior, it is important to know that this behavior doesnt necessarily mean that a person is toxic and cannot be helped. I don't even get angry when I drink- and I don't get drunk often. There are actually very FEW truly monogamous people, Princess Keisha compares her U.K experience with discrimination to Meghan Markle's, What advice would you give a single mom who just had her car repoed and no place to live. I don't know the dynamic of your relationship like you do. I recently got into an argument with my boyfriend. According to the World Health Organization or WHO website, 30% of women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence. I just feel so terrible about it. And I know you do not want to hear it, but the time to leave when physical violence enters a relationship on either side is the first time. Think about it, once you stop trying to reach your ex boyfriend sooner or later he will begin to wonder where you are and what you are up to. So you shouldn't be with him. Not only that but if he still has feeling for you then he will start to miss your presence. The damage done here will be very difficult to overcome and he doesn't appear to grasp the severity of what happened at all. There are pdfs available online. It has to be sincere and the priority in the wake of hitting a boyfriend. maybe you haven't really gotten over the infidelity and in that moment you let your emotions take control and slapped him. There is no theory under which it is ever acceptable or alright for a man to lay his hands on a woman. I've been together with my boyfriend for a little over a month (both 15) and im starting to think I am a lesbian. New Love Island host, Maya Jama shows off her outfit. Identifying the emotions that cause these violent outbursts plays an important key in ensuring that those violent tendencies do not light again. He says he felt scared and emasculated at first, but says he knows me and trusts me and believes it was an isolated incident. Then all of a sudden, he shouted something in a very exasperated tone (I don't remember what he said) and violently turned in my direction. This has been a huge issue for me as I'm relating it to abandonment and distrust in him. He then punched me in the arm. Izzy1234 Men are abused far more than general perception would have you believe. , that it's a no-no. LittleHelpFromMyFriends, August 9, 2022, By I called him a few hours later, and we hung out. I'm sobbing as I type this it sounds so horrible and I hate myself for this. Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. By This can be something of a tricky step as many boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives have committed to going back on it. After that I went to talk to some friends. I feel horrible for what I did and how I made him feel- not that that excuses anything. Side effects of abuse may include but aren't limited to physical injury, disability, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a higher risk of depression, decreased self-esteem, houselessness, substance abuse, and anxiety. It doesn't make it right for the woman to do it either. He hurt you, you've not gotten over it - time to hurt him. But Jimmy had decided he would not have her back. This is such a mindfuck right now. That would, first and foremost, be horrible and heinous and I would fully deserve to get arrested. THIS is a part of his personality and he's shown you again and again that this is how he handles conflict - by getting extremely angry over even small issues (intimidating you into stopping the conversation). I know, I'm very lucky I didn't get arrested, but maybe I should have. jessb86a Time slowed to a crawl. It threatens you -- suggests you might be losing him. Then he walks out, knowing the act makes you feel abandoned. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. You get yourself to a place of safety and send him a text saying it's over. It means always being less than, not an equal. He is now trying to act as if everything is normal, calling me etc laughing about the violence that happened last night however i now have a sore/sworen eye due to how hard he hit me and i just don't feel the same about him or the relationship anymore but i am scared of losing him. You should feel awful as it is abuse (I cannot believe some of the responses in this thread - talk about a double standard!). Hopefully she'll get some help so it doesn't happen again and it sounds like she feels bad about it which is a good sign. To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. Again and again. His leaving and refusing to respond is another power move. A good man should be enough for a woman and thats it. LSA we need to discuss this. Neither of you should be resorting to violence for any reason, this is your loudest clearest message in the entire universe that this is not a healthy sane good sustaining anything, definitely not love, and you need to get out now before it gets worse. Unfortunately, situations like these require self-reflection. Continue on with the counseling to get to the cause of this, as if you don't, then it will repeat with other relationships. No, I wish it was. Has this happened to anyone else? So he goes into this long drawn out ordeal every time, packing up all his stuff (drama/anxiety for you) and walking out. I've never once even come close to really wanting to. Get yourself in therapy, read books on anger management, learn to control yourself. If the tables were turned I wouldn't want to be with an abuser either. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. Why every time black issues come up its always black & brown? Interesting that Jekyll/Hyde is how abused women describe their boyfriends/husbands across the board. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. Proof and reality are in the actions. Those types of courses can teach a person how to deal with upsetting situations without resorting to violence. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. For more information, please read our. Feeling horrible. There is, however, something of a misconception when it comes to the perception of domestic abuse. Not "we need time apart" no, screw that. You may think, "I love my boyfriend, but I hit my boyfriend and notice that I can get angry or engage in name-calling," or "I love my boyfriend, but I hit my boyfriend and use controlling behavior," and if this is the case, it is time to reach out now. How do i ask for time apart? Anonymous (18-24) I quit a new job because of mental health issues. Does he need that much cool-down time? When we are clear-headed, violence seems like the furthest thing from our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to. I'm torn between the belief of "once an abuser, always an abuser," and my sincere belief that I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than ever do anything like this again. That is the position that Susan put herself in, and she was determined to get her ex back. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Edit: I also want to note that I made a point of apologizing profusely. Thanks for your answers, they really helped. It matters. You cant take back those violent actions, but taking steps to prevent them from ever occurring again can be crucial. He said sure. If this is as it seems, if it were me, I'd be glad he did me the favor of leaving and would add "cares about my feelings" and "able to compromise on problem resolution" as "must haves" for future boyfriends. The difference in size and strength between her and me is the same as a large man vs me. Why are you still trying to live there? By I tell him I don't think I did anything wrong, he is the one now who is really in the wrong, for flipping out, calling me names, etc. I realize I probably should have left his car, and it makes me even more upset that I, before that, had done nothing wrong (in my mind), but I just hate that he does something wrong, then gets mad, and feels justified to tell me to get out. I've never thrown or hit an inanimate object out of anger before. I woke up with a bruise on my arm. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels." It can kill someone. I would easily advise someone else who had been hit to leave. That is definitely not the way to get your ex boyfriend back. Part of this commitment involves being more aware of emotions and their impact. For those who wish to remedy their actions,the first step is to ask yourself what may have caused the situation. She wanted to give Jimmy the space he needed to recover from what she had done.. She gave me a bunch of exercises and strategies to use to prevent this from ever happening again. I think it's good that you guys are actively trying to work on things. Declare it. Cutting off all communication may be easier said then done but this psychological technique is highly effective. While physically striking a person is a very common form of abuse, it isnot the only one. Our partners should be our hom. He slapped me back and I slapped him again then all of a sudden he slapped me so hard that my ear started to ring. My boyfriend got into a heated agrument last night where he accused me of cheating on him with a mutal female friend because durring the night we would often joke about her being my girlfriend etc and because we kept going to the bathroom - manly because we were drinking a lot that night( by drinking i mean - i was thirsty so i kept myself hydrated with water etc, however i did have a beer BUT was not drinking to get drunk nor was i tipsy) and needed to use the bathroom therefore we went . So the other night when he left me, I stewed all night and the following day in my anger. Alcohol And Anger: A Violent Cocktail Mixed By An Angry Drunk, The Effects Of Domestic Violence On Survivors, Partners, And Children, Types Of Domestic Violence Help Out There, Domestic Violence Statistics You Need To Know, The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence And What Its Doing To Help, Understanding Domestic Violence And What It Means For You, Scratching, slapping, kicking, biting, pinching, or punching. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. What "one thing led to another"? It is important to know what constitutes abuse, even those that are not direct acts of violence, and what you do not have to tolerate in a relationship. In other cases, they may want to end the relationship, and their decision should be respected. I hit my boyfriend is a phrase that has been said more than a few times, often in regret, in stories that have gone ignored. She casually reminded him of all the pleasant times that they had had together. My boyfriend of three years slapped me across the face a few nights ago. He proceeds to grab my arm and drag me out of the car. We are meeting with the oncologist and surgeon today and I know it's going to be a tough conversation. I hit my boyfriend. If you're thinking, "I love my boyfriend, but I exhibit signs of one or more of these forms of violence," it is essential to reach out for help now. I felt okay seeing him, but then later, it all just felt so weird. Even though I now have a small sense of understanding why things happened this way, it does not mean it's an excuse and I recognize this. P.P.S. Easier said than done. Don't risk losing your ex forever, improve your chances to get back together with your ex by using a method so controversial your ex will be unable to resist. He said he had immediately regretted hitting me and he'll never do it again. It takes a lot of work, but if you have hit your boyfriend, there is a way to make things right. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. Read the book "Why does he do that?" Your boyfriend might forgive you after talking it out and want to keep the relationship going. Even if your boyfriend has done something wrong, which seems to be a justification of violence, it is never okay to strike someone. He said "Shut up! MaisyMarch 6, 2011 in Abuse and Violence. Violence begets violence. I know us seeing each other everyday won't make things any better. Take some time by yourself and look at what you were feeling at the time you slapped your boyfriend. I feel like a little kid that wants to be held. Abuse is trauma, and trauma impacts people in a large number of ways. You domestically abused your boyfriend. Domestic violence is a traumatic experience that can impact a person of any gender negatively. Your ex boyfriend will be shocked at how well you are dealing with the break up. He may even become jealous of you because to them it appears that you have moved on and you simple don' want them anymore. He's smug and continues to state he's not at fault. The most common instance occurs with a separation. What kind of things are you fighting about that cause him to leave? Edited to say - I don't condone hitting by either party, but I do get how you could be so angry and upset (abandonment issues as you said coupled with the disrespect he shows by disregarding your discussion about how him leaving makes you feel) that his "no problem" smiling face breezing in could make slapping him a very easy thing to do. Did you witness a lot of violence in your childhood? Very sad, because I genuinely believe you are truly remorseful. A few things: I do not generally get angry when I'm drunk. You physically attacked him. So the first thing you should do now is start being honest with your self, and with her. You should be charged with assault, just like he would have been charged with assault if he had hit you, because that is true gender equality. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. A slap usually just stings, and while it's humiliating and can be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that.

i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible