my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family

Gtfo with ur victim shaming. There is a difference. My alcoholic, manipulative ex has kissed up to my sister and her husband and the have done several things behind my back. React Reply Most Helpful Opinions lumos Follow Master Age: 27 , mho 55% +1 y I would definitely visit my sister, even if she lived a few doors from my ex. I completely understand this as well. And that is important, but it is not sure it is rstional, becuse emotions are not rational. Its been almost 4 years since I left my ex, and my relationship with my family has not really improved. One of the first big holidays after my divorce was Thanksgiving. Now he doesnt accompany you anymore. But I truly think its wrong. YOU have the problemnot everyone else. You do not and should not have to tolerate being around your ex UNLESS you want to be. His coworkers, his family and all our friends(except my mothers best friend and my grandma)all believed he was blemish free. The more that their family was a part of your life, the more likely that you can continue to be friends with them after a breakup. I am in a very similar situation. My family used to say that they stayed in touch with him and sent him holiday gifts because if something should happen to me theyd need that relationship to see the children. Like 7 years before I knew either of them. Dont you know emotional abuse is as severe as physical abuse in its effects on the brain?! like a narcissist . It may say something more about you than your ex. Its her turn to try.Right family? She was cruel about it. I have good friends. I really feel for you. He also assaulted my Stepfather, threatened my Mother and yet my Dads side of the family saw him as the victim and me as in the wrong due to my mental problems! My own brother would not uninvite him to his wedding. He used to get up really early and leave the house without telling me where he was going visit my family and tell them i wouldnt get out of bed etc. Once you are in a relationship with a new person, still having photos of your ex is a big red flag. For 25 years my Ex would leave the house if my one sister came over. January 16, 2020 at 4:30 a.m. Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been together for three months. How much contact does he have with her, and in what way? I have a very similar story. To take it one step further, my ex-wife was included in my fathers will as a beneficiary in equal part as my brother and me. Just try to be the best girlfriend you could possibly be. He cheated. Maturity? I cant understand it. You need a new family. Which is crazy because Ive never once told my mom how I feel about her hanging out with him. Everyone is allowing her to make the rules, so she does. He sadly lost his life in his early forties and I wouldnt be surprised if it was suicide because of the emotional problems he was left with because of his upbringing. I was married for 7 years and had three children with my ex. He moved them across the country and had all of the divorce, DV, shelter, police records sealed so no one can look at them. OP it sounds like both your ex and family r toxic. Its great for the kids. You dont own your family, they do. No. Im in a happy relationship now but seriously, bits of a feather flock together. They cant seem to tell my ex no, my ex either self invites or someone from my family is inviting to family event, holidays and birthdays. Im sorry I call it SHITY SUPPORT!! To me its just plain unnatural and although it hurts you are well rid of people who think its ok to treat you like that xx. He spoke to his mother, and shebecause he can't force her to do anythingtold him she'll invite who she wants. What does seem clear is that your boyfriend sincerely considers it mostly his fault that they divorced, and both he and his ex-wife . "@type": "FAQPage", This woman took my husband which was a total POS but now she is taking my family away from me as well. He has been featured media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire, Grazia & Elle. And so far its working. In short, he hasnt fully processed the whole situation yet. That side of my family do have previous. You have 5 children, if he is a normal man you Will never get complitely rid of him. Them hanging out or keeping in contact with him has allowed my ex to treat me as he has. What was I supposed to do? In other words he was spreading lies about me to my family! Everybody is friends in my family. If your boyfriend and his family find it hard to discuss sensitive. Your divorced for a reason and the main reason is you no longer want him in your life. I dont get it and I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. I am not saying much in response to this out of respect for my parents. I just dont feel that it is appropriate that we are going to be hanging out with his ex wifes family without her knowledge. But I wont let it make me disloyal in return. From everything Ive read of your account, it feels to me as if you are slowly being erased. etc. Yet I know its a form of punishment. If they cared, then its logic to assume that there is a gray area and they should have a conversation about your feelings beforehand. I split with my abusive ex and my Dad, stepmum and siblings sided with my ex and wouldnt uninvite him to a family wedding even though I had just fled my home! To this day Im still dealing with the exact same situation youre in. I worry about her each and every day. But I was good. Grow up! I asked him and my family from the beginning to please give it a bit of distance but my parents chose him over me at that point. I am in a similar boat with the divorced husband being a larger part of my family than me. I explained to her thati need a safe support space separate from him. They knew my stance, it was too hurtful to know we were not getting back together, and I expressed that 20s something person needs to own up to her own choices. It doesnt, especially if they dont want it to. You are so inconsiderate of feelings. I never thought id lose my family either. Dont lose your children too by being too polite and accommodating to your ex. His hands are tied. Have you also noticed there is no middle ground for those who disagree with your comments? Sadly life is not a movie and families are not perfect and considerate towards out feelings. You would be disappointed and deeply frustrated. Ouch!! Going threw this right now. Yet he continues to complain and complain and complain. I was happy, there was still some hope. I understand how you feel though. I dont feel you are in the wrong. I expect theyre probably planning on sitting us together. I know the feeling, but if he is a good person, and your family cared about him, unless he did something crazy, there is nothing wrong with them being cordial with him. Well, then, it's time to change boyfriends. YOu are so far off on your opinion. My mother has outlived my father so everything was left to her, but my ex being named in that will was a complete slap in my face. I began trying to save my marriage (in retrospect I had been trying for 4 years already) but my husband admitted he didnt want to make any changes to do the same which is when I realised I couldnt stay with someone who didnt care. Reply to Chris Chris. You divorced him, your family didnt. But they all different!! Remarried now for 4 years. Oh where to start, he was always in contact with an ex girlfriend, would never talk to me, blamed me for everything that possibly went wrong, drank every day and when he did he was the life of the party as long as others were around but the minute it was just me he became a violent, mean drunk. I explained that I did not want to feel uncomfortable at my own family gatherings. He would show up to eat and then leave when it was anything to do with my family. they knew the extent of his violent temper and yet my parents who are against everything he was involved in, would visit him in jail. I know this is from a few years ago, but you sound extremely self absorbed & I cant agree on any capacity that you have ever put your kids before yourself on this topic. He started going around to every family who would listen Lying making his story mine and I had no idea until I got some strange comments and reactions from some of my family. Some expected, some unexpected. I need that! You can take marriage vows in good faith but when you find out your husband deceived you and lied to you i would think that would be classed as evil. It has gone on for five years. he has been invited to 2 upcoming weddings (even though I asked them no to) so we can enjoy our family without seeing him, hoping to get my family back. We don t talk to each other any moreand they wont let me see my nieces..I am beyond speechless and hurt,,,, If I can just see my nieces my brother and sister in law are not existing for me anymore what a betrayal You stay strong and take the high road. They really dont get it and it really hurts. If your ex doesn't want you to stay friends with their family, it might be best to respect their wishes. My Mother never said a word to me..HER Daughter. Maybe you should as k yourself why you want to go. When I look back there was a lot of family problems/tensions and my brother and I certainly suffered emotional abuse. Divorce is one of the most hardest thing youll do & then to end up that you have no family! Know that youre not alone in this! YOU GOT A DIVORCE?! I disagree with creatingabeautifullifes response. Parity! My friends dont understand them (my sisters) and are supportive of my feelings. I smoke in the garage . He is enjoying creating these problems for you. So it is extremely bothersome the lip service my family is doing on top of everything else. I wish you would see this! Cut them all out of your life you dont need to be putting up with that crap xoxo. Before we married, he told my husband he was very upset we werenttelling his ex-wife according to his standard and timeline. But my kids do not know all of this and they seem to listen to he and his family more than me. My ex and I split after 18 years of marriage. There are occasions where they all come together like a special occasion run by an education provider. I know hes doing it because he knows thats the one thing i asked him not to. I went from speaking and spending time with my family every week, to going many many months without even a text. The older children cant stand any of them and say they are jeoulous of me . You are a sour, bitter, alienating parent that does not deserve custody of your children because you are a lying snake that should spend weekends in jail while he enjoys time with your family and children. I believe that it is enough to be cordial to an ex at important occasions. Can he love me too if he still loves his ex? I was confused. I can completely sympathise. I feel your pain. Family loyalty was never a strong point in my case, so this situation was the final straw and I had to make the difficult decision to just walk away. It is nowhere near the extent of what you went through but I do think it is a show of disrespect on their part and to be blunt, it is selfish. remain firm, Im currently gong through this and would like to hear more what you would say to my specific situation. I shouldnt have to give them reasons. when I met her, she claimed to be separated for 4 years already, yet she still lived with her ex, at the beginning I didnt complained, after seeing that she was being very complasive with her ex, I started to ask her to leave her exes house and come to live at mine, so she did, but she kept on going back, every time that I asked her why she would do that, she would find a reason, every time we had misunderstandings, shell end up spending the night there. OMG! I dont mind not only do I not mind I encourage it.. just because our 12 year relationship ended in a rather fucked up way. Why would you have important family gatherings, and isolate your own sister or brother? No one should have to cut ties with an in-law just because a spouse wants a divorce. Just my opinion, Idk my family has gone as far as attempting to commit me to a hospital and my doctor said she felt thats best for her and everyone else. Ultimately, through their friendship, they realized for themselves what type of person he was and left him alone. It is almost a year and I come up to conclusion where I need to find my life and go away I love this person and I know he loves me back but I think he is not over his ex and he doesnt want to talk about . this is clearly just a lack of boundaries,and it is horrible, sorry I can relate! This was also because I met someone new and things are going well with my new girlfriend. It is difficult to comment on your description of the other side. Thank you, everyone, for sharing your experiences! Something went wrong, please try again later. Youre not alone! No sane man wants to make his girlfriend insecure. I have family members who still talk to my ex, think he;s such a good guy, he cheated on me and so, they dont care I guess they feel I deserved it,,, otherwise they would cut ties right?

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