: A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Where Did My Sweet Grandpa Go? I put everything I could into the eulogy and really hoped to convey a sense of her life and character. If you want to chat, I am here. She traveled Europe, South East Asia and Japan, and made many trips to the U.S. also. March 22, 2012December 11, 2012. [], [] This Sunday will bemy second Mothers Day since my mother died. Thank you. Heres a transcript of what I said instead. There was no high school in Deep Bay, so Grandma finished school at 13 and began to help her family on the fishing boat, in the cannery, and also working berry picking and farming. Your love for her, your tender descriptions of her, your understanding and compassion for her wartime experiences and your tribute to her character are so beautifully written. Then the war. I know what I've found out so far has made a huge difference in my own life. During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. I had no idea the next time I saw you, you would be unconscious on your deathbed. And in her later years, when the more complex aspects of her personality had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus remained. By Bob Thune Lauren Flake is a wife, girl mom, native Austinite, seventh generation Texan, artist, author, and Alzheimer's daughter. In many ways the community was destroyed; we dispersed to all parts of Canada, many reluctant to return to the coast where they felt betrayed by their neighbours. But this is my news, and my eulogy for my Grandma. Grandma was born in 1919, in Steveston. But then I realized that would be exactly the wrong approach. In her mind, Thunes were great at everything and everybody ought to acknowledge it. Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. And many of us here today are the fruit of those prayers. For years. But the truth is that my grandmother had been gone for more than a decade when she took her last breath. Until finally, it is over. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. Jameson Peter Mendes, I am so sorry for your loss but what a moving memorial for her life. [], [] After awaiting your passing and the end of your suffering for so long, I had no idea I would miss visiting you so much, even though you couldnt respond to me. I remember staring at the casket spray, made by my amazing friend Terri, through much of the memorial service. I was looking for details I could use for the eulogy Id need to deliver two days later, but I also wanted to melt the feelings about her Id frozen since shed started becoming a different person. My grief for her really for myself is making me so tired. Heres what I mean: dementia reveals the true essence of a person. But dementia doesn't care. Her usual way of greeting me these past few years has been to look at Harold and say, Well, look at this handsome young man is he one of us? That morning after church, Grandma looked at me and said, You keep preaching the word, young man. Im still not sure if she knew who I was but she knew who Jesus was, and she recognized his Word when she heard it. My most emotional moment was holding my phone up to her ear so my grandfather could say goodbye to his only child. Grandma was pretty frail by then and I wasnt sure she even knew who I was. eulogy for grandmother with alzheimer's; Recent Comments. Life is too short to dwell on the painful memories but long enough to rebuild as your grandmother did. I felt I was able to reach her in that moment. When I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish about the imminent loss of my mother and her father, I had no idea that my mothers battle with Alzheimers disease would end just 8 days later.. Death after Alzheimers disease. Thank you for reading the post. We can reduce our risk to a far greater degree than most Americans realize or act upon. !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0],p=/^http:/.test(d.location)? What a beautiful piece of writing and a wonderful tribute to an obviously amazing person. It helped me maintain my connection to my mother while she was still alive and also helped me to say goodbye and honor her memory when she passed. And now that I can only reach back through the memories, I promise to share the best ones I have with my children and, God-willing, with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. A cheerful heart has a continual feast (Proverbs 15:15). Music played an important role in my journey through my mothers illness. Since the doctors were unable to diagnosis exactly what kind of dementia she suffered from, her children and grandchildren had no general timeline to predict her decline. Perhaps the only silver lining was that the diseases slow progression gave my five siblings and me time to process her death, reflect on her life, and arrange an appropriate memorial service. She had a fall on the 20th of December that fractured her pelvis and back, and she was in hospital. From what you said, shes more like my grand ma. She doesnt know us, theyd say. When I was first asked to share a few words in honor of my grandmother, I was tempted to wind back the clock about ten years. Dementia stole my grandmother long ago, leaving me to mourn her all over again when she died years later. what do restaurateurs do when they're not working? Grandmas love for the Lord Jesus was never personal or private, as many in our modern liberal culture would like to keep it. A friend of my mothers for 40 years, Stuart Platt, delivered my mothers eulogy at her funeral and also spoke at her graveside service. It was vibrant and living and worshipful. But finding a way to act friendly and cheerful and talkative with the woman who still looked like my grandma required me to put my memories of her pre-dementia identity on hold. My mother, who had a way with words, might have said we were multivocal. Thus, I thought her eulogy should be multivocal as well, and I asked each sibling to help me by sharing a favorite memory or two that paid tribute to some of her values e.g., sacrifice, dedication, humility and a sense of humor. My kids found this hilarious; Grandma couldnt remember to stop singing. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; 3. Russell wheeled you outside for some fresh air and sunshine, and you smiled and tried to speak to me several times. Before my grandma died, Id get a hardened, stoic sensation when Id think about her. She took me to church with her, to the Japanese United Church on Victoria Drive, where I met other children with similar backgrounds, and ate homemade udon noodles at the church bazaars. And there are three things that stand out to me as part of her enduring legacy. She was always and forever an influencer. By Cynthia Rodriguez in My Loss, Personal Essays. She finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. Nina and Grandma Pauline Theres no filter. Ive been in a bit of a shocked state because I think I believed she was eternal, even though she was 94 and getting frailer each time I saw her. We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. The glass was always half full. Because you'll know where they come from. Growing up as a kid with that kind of a grandmother had a way of bestowing confidence, self-worth, and a sense of rootedness. And in her later years, when the more complex aspects of her personality had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus remained. I was constantly racking my brain, trying to figure out what or whom she was waiting on. [] I have received several requests for the playlist of funeral songs from my mothers services. I think that it would have been easy to sink into depression after the internment, or to be consumed with resentment and bitterness. She loved nice shoes and clothes and was always well turned out. Grandma was an expert seamstress and sewed clothing for her family. I know how concerned people are about these matters because I hear from them every week. I dont know how much time we have left with my grandfather before he is reunited with my mom. Just five weeks after my mothers passing, my 90-year-old grandfather fell and broke one of the vertebrae in his neck. Saying goodbye to my mother. And so on this day, as we honor Pat Thunes life and legacy, I find myself thankful for and challenged by her cheerful optimism, her sanctified pride, and her genuine love for Christ. The last time I saw my grandmother was in April 2013, about nine months before she died. She was delicate and wild., Memorial Service Packet Dixie StuckyMemorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie StuckyKnesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. I told my husband I feel like when I hold her hand, Im asking her to stay with me. For some reason, I knew that she would let go when no one was watching her; I felt she wanted it that way. I think it was a chapter of her life that she wanted to forget and erase as much as possible. I hope we always remember her strength and fortitude, her love of beauty and her keen aesthetic sense, her kindness and love for her family. Do you know youre precious? she would ask during every outing together. Even though she was not physically demonstrative, we shared hugs and held hands when we walked around Honolulu. I started reading your eulogy when you sent it, but read it today thoroughly. But she was confused in large groups and had trouble keeping track of the names of what I suspect she considered the extra characters in her life, like our spouses and her great-grandchildren. Pride. As everyone took stock of our familys past, I learned a surprising lesson: Memories borne through touch, taste, sound travel well. Eulogy for Ellen, My Mother. When Id ask about my grandfather, Norman, who died in his late 50s in a plane crash on his way to Japan, shed remind me that I was named after him. Mhw Mods Allowed 2020, Your email address will not be published. Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. Ironically, it seems fitting that such body memories ended up dominating a eulogy for someone who died of Alzheimers disease. While you are, subscribe to our spam-free newsletter. You should write more about her. Because while the most meaningful memories of Grandma are those from days long past, the most accurate memories the ones that most clearly reveal her true character are the most recent ones. There are no lessons about 'The Art of Mothering' we can only do our best and hope that we do it well. Required fields are marked *. Archives I have tears in my eyes, though I never met her. She's her old self again, happy and vibrant and sharp as a whip. Writer. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, My mother found peace after Alzheimers disease, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. | In 1915, her mother came to Canada as a picture bride. But you never know what small, barely noticeable gestures and habits might become your most visible, defining characteristics in the eyes of your children someday. I was devastated, but also relieved for the permission to mourn what I had lost so many years earlier. He remarked at her graveside that how we live now, going forward, is part of her legacy. I write my mother's eulogy every single week. But I know now. She taught me how to wash rice for cooking; she told me that every grain lost was a day lost from my life! When I launched this column, I promised myself that once a year, on the anniversary of her death, I would devote the column to her memory. Im very sorry for your loss. Your email address will not be published. Loved reading about how she passed Japanese culture to you. Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement, and Your California Privacy Rights (each updated 1/1/20). After grandpa died, Grandma began to travel and explore the world. It's something I wasn't able to do for my mother. I believe that I enjoyed a tenderness from her that her own daughters perhaps did not get; she was dedicated to protecting them, and her war experiences made her fierce in her protectiveness. One of which was Margaret Mavis Harpley, 85, who had been suffering with Alzheimers Disease for a number of years. They stayed in business until 1973, when Grandpas health forced his retirement. It strips away the layers of etiquette and social pretense that most of us have learned to operate with. 2023 Lauren Flake Grief & Texas, on Saying Goodbye to My Mother: Peace After Alzheimers Disease, Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs, In Memory of My Mother: Funeral Songs For the Love of Dixie, Dear Mom: You Were My First Blessing For the Love of Dixie, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs For the Love of Dixie, Mother's Day: Somewhere in Between Us For the Love of Dixie, When Mother's Day is Hard - For the Love of Dixie, It Is Well with My Soul: Two Years Later - For the Love of Dixie, Living Bravely: Guest Post at Radically Broken - For the Love of Dixie, Guest Post Living Bravely | radicallybroken, Book Review: Forgiveness-Unforgiveness by Erin Olson - For the Love of Dixie, 5 Things Alzheimer's Taught Me about Motherhood - Lauren Flake, If Your Heart Is Just A Little Broken This Mother's Day - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, Why Mother's Day Is Filled with Grief (and Hope) for Me - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, 5 Things That Happen When You Lose Your Mom - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, When Mother's Day is Hard because You Lost Your Mom - Lauren Flake - Grief & Texas, Though I Walk through the Valley: 12 Days in Psalm 23 Devotional, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? I had already spent so many years grieving and honoring the memory of my mother and best friend. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; she never watched a ball game in which her kids or grandkids werent the most valuable player; and she never understood why John didnt get 100% of the vote in every election. But then I realized that winding back the clock would be exactly the wrong thing to do on a day like this. It was about the kind of person you were and the difference you made in the lives of others. People didnt deliver meals or flowers. But I can finally remember her, I would have explained, except that I couldnt talk. After being at the nursing home, watching and waiting, that Tuesday through Thursday, I stayed home all day Friday. Your eulogy was so heartwarming and beautiful. I would even say theres such a thing as nave optimism. The grieving process is a long one, and never truly over, but hope your memories are helping to ease the sadness. As the minister read my brothers poem, I realized the roses embodied his words and our mother. After a couple of days of absorbing the shock and trying to erase that final image of my mothers lifeless body, I woke up that Monday morning feeling at peace. I finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. But of course, this isn't about history. Who Grandma was in her final years is who she really was. By some miracle, this visit included an unusual bright spot of lucidity. When the funeral finally arrived, I felt like it was for everyone else. I didnt really take time to grieve, and, to be honest, I thought I had already finished [], [] in Rockport on the Texas coast. That tells me the depths of her distress about her experience. Shed tell me how smart he was and how much he would have loved me, but I couldnt get her to say anything of substance.
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