I cannot help but feel this Hadith always crops up which men love to use but there is no sentiment for men to be considerate. Sorry to hear what your husband does but believe me every single Muslim husband is not same.i saa muslim husband respect thier wifes and help them when they need so please do not think negative about islam .islam is really wide about womens right if you get chance study quran or islamic book .thanks fe-aman-Allah, I am working woman, my husband is also posess good job, alhamdu lillah wealth, but since15 years iam living with my inlaws,my inlaws r very stubborn and torchering me, i am asking for seprate house but not ready . Allah knows best , there is a reason for this , you just need trust Allah . He was kind and gentle with them. ii) If he doesnt have children from his first wife(I have a friend, who is born to the second wife of his father. its haram to do that. 7. with them)] for you and you are the same for them. But how different the circumstances. responding to great kindness and good treatment with a great wrong and I have to agree with you 100% on that. And most of these things go both ways, we know that,bathe author was just giving a males perspective. If both the partners realize that & aim to make their marriage successful with love, respect & loyalty they wouldnt need to throw back and forth the Hadiths and Quranic verses just to be one up on the other. (960 A.D to 1030 A.D) issued an edict against it. theres a thing called devil n he took the better of my husband n he repeated himself in his act of betreyal.god damn it it hurts.n its all this male mustangs fault.respect,huh!!! A man in Islam should only marry no more and no less than 4 wives only. 1. to grant you what is desired by you I am a woman but I know men very good . that he got a positive result?! I agree with you ,u shoot my many problem.only one word I want to say thanks. Ive sat and told my husband how i feel and he does nothing, Ive done nothing but encourage my husband in the nicest possible way to do something with his life, run his own business etc but it falls on deaf ears now i have resorted to confiding in my family when Im down and cant take no more. therefore he may likely to love d one who shows much respect most. You never know a persons situation until you are in it. And the wrongdoers will get their due punishment as well. Its your right to add into your nikkah this is not acceptable to you that he takes a second wife without you first knowing and also put in your nikkah that at that time its your right to have a divorce at this time. Almost at the same time as that of mastani two more women had also joined them to take the training from wasim, they were nadima and noor. However, I could be a second wife, no problem but I could NOT EVER be a first wife whose husband then took a second. good care of her. The Prophet did warn men not to hurt their wives and then expect sex an hour later. i agree with u kay. He chats with this girl on a daily basis. I take care of myself, very physically fit, attractive and for being a westerner, I do not fit the stereotype of an easy american woman. If and only if she did this in the marriage contract, then he is not allowed to do that without her permission. May Allaah make it easy for us to practice.InshaAllaah, when I get marriied! It should not be a form of abuse. Lastly, just like the man, a woman desires respect from her man too. Women indeed isnt something sex slave,and if she denies to have then whats the big deal? Sister, I would be careful about saying that multiple marriages disgust you. Thirdly, make active steps to change your life for the better and live in a way according to what Allah asks of you and this is better for you and your happiness. If the wife has a genuine reason for not meeting the husbands needs then she will be forgiven inshaAllah. in fact id start to wonder if he had been playing away, or at least pocket billiard rather too often.. if he ALWAYS seems to be content when you say you are just so considerate.. And if you read all the way through surat al-nisa youll come to the part where God basically says You will not be able to treat them(women) equally. Please, do not incline the wife you love more.Do the justice to your two wives that you marry. 4. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. A number of years ago now, I met and fell in love with a Persian woman who was a very devout Muslim. And do not think this is going to be easy for the man, so much responsability. According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. I am not Muslim, however I respect/support his beliefs and the teachings/love of Allah. How can this man do this to his wife and it seems as though she respected him, is loyal to him and gave him sexual pleasure. Read your message and its very sad to know how this brother is treating you. and she should realize that her husbands marrying another woman is Shouldnt man and wife be friends, ask for eacothers opinion as Our Prophet(pbuh)did? This is just how it is, in all schools of thought in Islam. 14. This is a conversation you need to open up to him and be persistent to understand his reasoning. Its important that Muslim women understand the value of respect for men, especially Muslim men. As described in one of the verses of the Quran below. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husbands] absence what Allah would have them guard. WE HAVE BEEN STUDYING THIS SUBJECT ABOUT MORE THEN ONE WIFE. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. You have all the right to maintain your self respect and If he still marries another woman without your consent he is destroying your self respect. Sharing my husband with another woman. Ive been married 14 years and stayed firmly by my husbands side despite the fact hes never worked a days hard work to keep a roof over my head or put food on the table. I have no idea how all this happened but it happened and believe me it wasnt easy for me. Women who have to stand 2nd, 3rd must be feeling a huge pain in their heart everytime their husbands go to other wifes and I believe Allah wont let anyone have such a huge pain for the sake of someone elses fun FOR SURE! He got emotionally attached to this lady. If you are worried about not being able to do justice both inwardly and materially. He is weak in Taqwa. I just wanna say any believing women would except that her husband has taken a second wife. If you dont then dont expect much from him. It takes two to tango and it sounds like you dont like dancing so he finds other people who do. They just need to make sure they are financially, physically and mentally capable of doing so, and if they dont then Allaah will question them about it. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allah has permitted, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. But if a Muslim prays istikhaarah with regard to So congratulations to the one who is patient in obeying Allaah in this life until he attains eternal delight in the gardens of Paradise. May Allah grant you ease in your affairs ameen, Salam Allah, Most High, does not command that a married couple love each other. The least of the 7th pts however is #4. It is NOT haram for a man to get a second wife without the permission of his wife. He fears he will become schizophrenic. Maasallam! I could be a second wife because those feelings of not being enough would not arise. No one should have to have sex if they dont want to! One day my brother told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife. his family told him to do second marriage. I would NEVER allow my husband to marry another woman. He does not share the same bed with you for weeks What does a Women do then? He marry me just because he loves me but I only had one think in my heart for him hatred. azislam.com -All Right Reserved. Women should follow the good example of the wives of the Dont use any abusive word to express your feelings. I repented, not once in my life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had done nothing wrong. Please brother & sisters do not start passing judgement in haste. I so agree with you I was shocked to see how lightly da matter was put up like its no big deall. Pathetic. This kind of cases are very common among Muslims you can search it o. and his wealth, until he meets Allaah with no sin on him. Classed as saheeh Life is no life without peace. If you sincerely repent from your heart, then Allah SWT is Most Merciful and will wipe away your sins and transform them into good deeds. But if he does not do it purposely then he wont get sins. This is the one who is expected to be fair and just, and to fulfil duties and obligations. does that mean she would be cursed all night. Sometimes for beauty and truth, other times to be selfish or destructive. Also, there are more women than men. (Ameen). I have a problem maybe you can help.hubby n I have been married since 4years.we were really happy. I am not certain were in the world you are situated but living in the west and all of the Sexual propaganda that we are bombarded with is a great fitna. So if anyone is seriously thinking about polygamy they better be up for the job. of Abu Saeed and Abu Hurayrah. denying the rights of one who has treated her well. Ds my true life I am leaving with Allahs mercy. What a dumb thing to mention. Rather, He commands that they dwell with each other in tranquility and be a garment for one another. You men are so full of your selves. It may be that this Questions cannot be asked through this form. Ive had a friend with this situation. Jazakum Allah khayran. Source: looking at women is natural and unsinnful is just YOUR THINKING AND NOT ALL MENS. Women in 2017 dont need financial assistance from their spouse. as far as i know most of the man have one wife. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are identified as females. not want to and he still goes ahead with it? May Allah guide us all to the right path.Ameen. If your men want to marry let them and they will get their justice from Allah they clearly didnt love you in the first place. Sister when you said i will never accept this part of islam you could have come out the fold of islam!! InshaAllah Allah will reward you for all your patience and effort. That plus the fact that a good human is what one needs to strive to be, not a good muslim. But the permission of plural marriage is given in the context of protecting widows, as they need to be taken care of. obey ALLAH and ur husband will love you. Encourage him to make Salaah at the Masjid. Etc. We live in 2014 people, not 600 BC lol. So she is praying istikhaarah about betraying him and The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". I pray to Allah Taaalaa that he gives us all the understanding of how a true Muslim should behave and that he forgives us all for all the wrong we have done in life, allowing us to die with strong Imaan and in the end enter us into Jannatul Firdaus. Lets be real here these conditions for polygamy to happen that everyone keeps mentioning Wheres the proof? It doesnt mean hes fantasizing about another woman. Although I did very much appreciate zuhrAs story. , Sweet advice, now i just need to find a good husband to tell him such things , Lol I feel you..I cant wait to get married to actually tell my huband these things.. :-D. Just be sure that you find the right person. So you apparently know nothing about women. Then he came to him a second time, and he forbade it. Oh well, baby steps. Related by Ahmad and Muslim. arent they all superficial? Must be wise in facing the jealousy of women. Jazakallakh khier for this article and previous articles. if your husband stops listening and refuses to help you understand what you clearly want to, but instead demands and demands to have what he alone needs and by any means necessary takes what he needs. He was a good person, good akhlaq and very pious. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males. husband, then in fact she is praying istikhaarah about wrecking her home and dont thomp your thinking on all men! and the wife wishes for a man with whom she can live in peace. This entails having respect and loyalty for one another, along with the feelings of passion and love to one another. Not to insult, I didnt mean it like that. So my long question is, is what I am doing wrong and how can I control my desires so as to please Allah. Some times we dont feel like to wake up early in the morning for salah but that doesnt mean that its a ridiculous timing. Asian women are used to this and don't see anything wrong with it. It might be years later but I had to leave my reply. Nura [not her real name] is a 42-year-old Kenyan woman. It is up to the couple. 1 - Her husband's marrying another wife is regarded as a test and trial for her, and if she bears that with patience she will have the reward for being patient in the face of a trial, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning" [al-Zumar 39:10] So unmarried women are public property? I came to my parents I told them and I told them I cant live with him please set me free. Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words. i am being courted by a muslim man, and so far i find it a bit interesting i never knew someone like himhe claims he loves me and cant live w/out me, but he asked me this question, what if there was 2 of us? Out of them, nadima was married for four years. So brothers and sisters before talking about the chances of your husband or yourself getting married again we need to fix and improve our current marriages. Muslim men and women not married by the rules of Muslim marriage (nikah) are not allowed to chat. Goes both ways really. I started praying Istikhara that night. Muslim men are not taught to treat a wife properly once married he has new responsibilities. The person I was getting married knew I never wanted to marry him and I dislike him from my heart and I can never love him. U just mention everything from men side but ll these important for a woman as well. He uttered the divorce words three times in one meeting, then I went back to my parents house. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. It was a good article and the author wrote it with good intention. He never defends you but always defends the person that u have a problem with? When 1 or 2 months he lives with 2 nd wife I feel that I am not having any husband. I too am deciding divorce. 4. Next time he gets ready for work button his shirt or tie his tie and tell him how handsome he looks. Although I have watched horrible videos in the past, I try not to anymore. Tip Of The Week Safeguard Your Home From Shaytaan. Your email address will not be published. well sis dont get married then. I dont know. You should speak to him and say you're tired after working. that He creates love and compassion between them, and helps each of them to Just because woman is ALLOWED to divorce her husband, doesnt mean she should. Dear Paula! ALLAH know everything but we dont. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Our minds collect things and remember much better than we think. This article is a joke. He loses his job and the money gets tight. I dont have my parents connection.. so I dont have any moral support. be attracted to men, and this inclination sometimes results in haraam Whats up with sarcasm at the beginning of your post is wifey ignoring you. Jazaakallahu khayran. assalam o alaikum, SUBHAN ALLAH thank u bro for sharing such a nice and meaning full message, very good job,JAZAK ALLAH,,,,,,,,and pray for me m searching a bride for me. Excuse my typos. Some of us are fortunate enough and some of arent. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah. This is not the case with all the men.. we are not chicks of the same hen. if you find such statements weird or too honest remember that a guy likes to know, with honesty, that he can perform to his very best and make best use of his skills and abilities to the natural requirements of his Quality Controller. (2) The lady is trying to get her daughter married. This is the one part of Islam that I will never accept, a man should NEVER be allowed to marry more than once simply because he wants to. love you or does he love himself and is only looking out for his own Above All, He Desires Your Respect Bespectacled before it was cool, I. So in the light of the above, its clear that the matter is not just having a right to do so, its how you use that right. It doesnt apply to all brothers but these are the things in their mind that most probably they wont tell you about it (seeing the debate going on above, there is good ground why they choose not to tell us) cheers, Im much satisfied by this article it solved my biggest problemjazakallahu khaira, JazakAllahu khairan were happy to know this. Some things may be hard to swallow for us women, but Allah swt Created us this way, so rather empower yourself with this knowledge and understanding, than bemoan and question the way of things. men are said to lower the gaze in Quran Sharif. She was loyal and pleased him sexually, why did he venture off? You mean rapeee!??? This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. There are no specific hadiths about many things. It is about give and take. Btw if Muslim women want they can write a no-2nd marriage clause in their marriage contract during the nikah. SAHIH INTERNATIONAL Most men and women are using the Quran to twist things in their direction. there are many ways a man can help and support other womans without having to marry them and having any relationships. Then he is not in true love with his first wife. This article is so sexist its hilarious. She is praying istikhaarah about They was ringing me to amenice me to leave him. so my advice is follow the advice above and make sure your husband has everything he could ever want from you and so he won;t even look at another woman. Annie, I realize this article dated from 2017 and you asked a fantastic question. I think since you do not really get to know a person until you live with them, then the wife should have the opportunity to get to know and be comfortable with her new life before intimacy. The Law of Women Provides for Family and What is the Law of Marriage without Mahar 5 Benefits of Duha Prayer Muslim Should Aware, 5 Best Deeds in the Eyes of Allah Most Muslims can Apply, 5 Precious Benefits of Reciting Subhanallah You can Apply, 5 Good Deeds That Have the Same Reward as Hajj. It has to be earned. We were both widowed. I found this to be quite patronising and if Im not mistaken it was written by a male? Marriage and everything within marriage is with mutual agreement!! i have a daughter from my first marriage. But watching comments & after reading the article Id like to say that SEX is not only the thing keeping marriages prosper & happy life. the holy quran declares that Allah subhana allah wa taaal permits him to take up to four wives as long as he gets all the necessary protocol boxes ticked. But there are certain aspects of that needs addressing. I read most of the post over here The way I see it is, treat your wife how you expect to be treated back, treat your husband the way you expect him to treat you, men and women are equal, Im tired of these sick men that think they deserve everything when they dont give anything, has this guy ever thought about womens needs and wants?? He already has permission From his lord with stipulations. In particular the Hadith. I disagree with #4. Please find all facts on islamweb.net I always go by them but Quran is key we have to read and understand.. on a personal note I would not except either but for sure would let him marry without any issue and say goodbye: remember how did he find this second wife by lowering his gaze ? Really. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. I am an educated older woman. salam,im sure the article written is in good faith n might help some but by God centuries have passed in trying to teach women how to make their husbands happy,not that theres no more need 4 it yet its about time as per the holyQuran when women will ask what my fault was!!! iii) If he is not satisfied with his first wife in serious matters. In Islam, marriage is a solemn contract for which the Shari`ah lays down rules and arrangements to guarantee its stability. Muslim men like this sandwich maker wont understand what we women feel and how hurtful it is, Im a Muslim wife and I am telling you this from my experience , dear Paula save ur soul and leav this man and the ideology which branding women as mere brainless machines. If you only learn to use it properly. There are a million and one articles online written by non-Muslims that say the same thing. Why should a nice type Muslim sister be patient when her husband is verbally or even physically abusive, emotionally distant, selfish, childish an narcisstic?
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