You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. Ive never felt this upset. Your sex life sounds amazing. She is reacting the right way to this, in that she's clearly upset and remoresful for her actions. Don't fight. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? We have 2 amazing kids. Think about you right now, and what you want. I was in a conversation with two other girls about anal sex. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. Be honest anyway. 2. But Im not sure I know anyone who hasnt. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Sorry if this is all over the place. You are NOT overreacting. It's so important when you have a union of two souls to do everything you can to make sure that your love stays connected and flourishes. "My. Thank you. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Bisexuality is valid. No matter how much she tells you she really enjoys it, there will now always be that voice in your head that tells you she really doesn't. It very much is and if you let them gaslight you and suppress how you actually feel, you will feel a huge burden and trust issues for the rest of your life. People aren't accepting where I live either. Who actually believes these? First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. This was really jarring. Been with each other for roughly 4 years. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. Her to never talk to her friends?? I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? Your wife outed you. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. Wow dude. She broke your trust, plain and simple. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. She pulled her friends into your marriage and made you the butt of a running joke. I 100% understand why you're so upset. Now, this is fine! There are good comments here, so Im not going to get into that. She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. Ok. Saying stupid stuff about your sex life aside, why are you talking about your sex life with your friends at all? She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. Next I called my wife. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Would she have thrown Tom under the bus like that to entertain her friends ignorance? Your wife have no sense of conjugality. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. If you need more time to yourself, take it. Ha fucking ha. Or so that she wont identify you? And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Whoa. And without trust, you have nothing. Second, sure you might forgive her over time, but do not rush it. Fucking judgemental pieces of shit. Why should he have to tell the whole world his sexuality? Hes outed now. Second communicate. Exposing your sexuality and your sex life to her friends is a massive betrayal, but it has been covered by other quality comments. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. And can think clearly. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. She just let it slip. Youre not overreacting. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. She said she thought about him and thinks they were young and made stupid mistakes. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. OP-the one man who reached out to you, I feel he is a solid individual and have to give You major points to talking with him. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. She lied about your sexual taste 3. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. Same. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? And sometimes we have to forgive stupid people because we love them anyway. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. I thanked him. About number 2, she's lying and trying to back pedal. she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. But, she finally conceded maybe he was genuine. Thats not someone you stay in a marriage with. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. How could you ever trust this person again. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. It's terrible. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. But she enjoys to embarrass you to her friends behind your back about it. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. She said two of her friends are judgmental and believe youre either gay or straight and since I enjoy men (only sexually, not romantically) I must be gay. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! That's a MASSIVE breach of trust and decency, while you want to make it about him snooping? Again this is a guess. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. It actually did make me feel a little better. This. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? I feel for you and wish you the best. I wouldnt let her off the hook easily, but we all say and do some dumb stuff and I think she deserves a chance make it up to you and resolve the situation. Dont just accept her apology and move on. Cuz while I get what youre saying, what OPs wife said was beyond just a little oopsie. . Your marriage is between the two of you. This will help no matter what you decide. In our response, lies our growth and our freedom. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. Then go for it. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Your wife really messed up. Idc about bros before hoes or chicks before dicks nonsense, when someone insults your partner behind their back its your responsibility to stand up for them, not agree with them and contribute to the drunk girl talk. Theres PLENTY of ways to do this in both confrontational and non-confrontational ways. That would be the end for me. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. I would want to know why, if it was me. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. Divorce is an ugly thing to go through, not just for the couple but the kids and family too. She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help.
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